I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words
by jemmasimmmons
Summary: Three times Annabeth Chase tried to tell Percy Jackson how she felt and one time when he (finally) managed to tell her. Rating K, no language issues. Birthday present for Josie!


_So, this is my birthday present to Josie and I had absolutely no idea of what to get her so I just ended up writing for her about the two things that first come to mind when I think of her: Percabeth and Taylor Swift. And it ended up being this. Josie, I love you so so much and I hope you have the best birthday ever! Hope you like it!_

_Lots and lots of love, Isabelle xxxxxxx_

* * *

><p>"<em>You can hear it in the silence."<em>

She had never liked going underwater. Even as a child, she had resisted the perky swim coach who tried to coax her head underneath the lukewarm swimming pool water. Luke had tried to teach her to swim with her head under when they were on the run with Thalia once, in a river somewhere near San Francisco, but they had never really gotten any further with the lessons than the swim coach had. She always breathed in wrong and the water filled her nose and choked her and she would panic and start to thrash, reaching for the surface and someone to hold.

When the water broke over her head, Annabeth let out a deep, shuddering gulp and flung out her hand for something solid to hold tight to and never let go. She felt something wet and warm and beating – a body! – and her fingers latched onto the fabric of a t-shirt as she pitched forward and coughed. A shudder rippled through her body and she looked up – only to see that it was Percy holding her, Percy watching her with his green eyes wide and clouded with fear. Fear for her.

Annabeth remembered then; remembered the sirens and their song and the perfect vision they had planted in her head of a golden afternoon with her parents and with Luke in Olympus. The golden light was gone now and all that was left was a dull ache in her stomach and a burning at the back of her throat and Percy holding her up at the bottom of the ocean. Percy, who was still looking at her with fear in his eyes and concern written all the way across his face. She opened her mouth to thank him – and burst into tears.

And then she was crying, properly crying, great, heaving sobs that racked her body and pressed on her brain and sent snot dribbling down her chin. She sobbed, sobbed for what she had seen and what she would never see again, but most of all, she sobbed because Percy Jackson had saved her. Annabeth's head fell, as the last of her strength left her, so that it was resting on Percy's shoulder, her forehead pressed into his neck and her tears slid down onto his shirt and fell off, falling past the thin, protective bubble wall Percy had created and joined the sea.

And still – he held her. He didn't let go. He let her head rest, awkwardly, on his shoulder, his arms wrapped lightly around her back, every so often his hands rubbing her in clumsy circles, a cautious and careful attempt at comfort. It only made her cry harder.

Annabeth didn't know how long they stayed like that, wrapped around each other, in the Sea of Monsters. It could have been minutes or it might have been an hour; she couldn't remember.

Eventually, Percy had cleared his throat, probably a little embarrassed. 'I'll get us back to the ship. It's okay. Just hold on.'

She nodded into his chest and took a deep breath to steady herself. Maybe she should have replied then, but the words to respond just wouldn't come. They began to float upwards, their legs sticking out into the water, in silence, their heads tucked inside the little bubble Percy had created to keep them safe. The rest of the world was blocked out and Annabeth couldn't hear anything other than Percy's heartbeat.

She could have told him then. But she didn't.

* * *

><p>"<em>You can feel it on the way home."<em>

They were sitting next to each other in a taxi cab, possibly a little too close than was necessary. Outside the window, the forests of Long Island passed in dark blurs like smudges of paint on an artists colour palette and the stars and the moon peeked out from above the canopy of forest, flashes of light against the endless black. His hands were tapping lightly on the leather seat beneath them, her feet were tucked up underneath her and her heels were on the floor of the cab.

'Gods, Percy, do you have to keep tapping like that? It's not even in rhythm!'

'Are you sure? I thought it sounded good!'

'Did you ever take music lessons?'

He looked sheepish. 'No.'

'It's not in rhythm.'

The cab driver pulled over and tapped on the glass panel that separated them. 'This is as far as I can go, kids,' he told them. 'Are you sure you'll be okay out here?'

'We'll be fine,' Percy reassured him, as Annabeth opened her purse to hand him several dollar bills. 'Our grandma's cabin is just through those trees.' He gestured vaguely to the vast number of pine trees that surrounded the cab on all sides.

The cab driver still looked pretty uneasy about leaving them there but he drove off anyway. Annabeth stood, smiling and waving, until he had driven out of sight, then she turned to Percy.

'Grandma's cabin? Really? That makes us sound like Hansel and Gretel.'

He grinned at her. 'You be Gretel, I'll be Hansel.'

'They were siblings, Percy.'

'Oh. Maybe not then.'

She was glad it was dark. He couldn't see her smile.

The world around them was quiet and dark, but the warmth of the summer evening was still lingering, so even in her thin summer dress and bare legs, Annabeth wasn't cold. It was a beautiful evening, actually. For a moment, Annabeth let herself picture them staying out all night, lying on the side of the road and staring up at the stars, seeking out constellations and falling asleep on each other's arms...

She sighed. It was a nice fantasy, but not one that was likely to come true. Not tonight.

'Come on,' she said softly, snaking her hand into Percy's palm and giving it a gentle squeeze. 'It's getting late.'

They walked through the forest together, hand in hand. She had the straps of her heels looped over her wrists so she was walking barefooted on the carpet of pine leaves that covered the forest floor year round and Percy had his shirt sleeves rolled up past his elbows.

It had been a good day; she couldn't really complain. Getting Chiron to let them out into NYC so soon after the final battle in June hadn't been easy, but Percy had been persistent. Eventually, he'd worn the camp director down. Percy had taken her out for lunch, then down to Central Park where they had shared an ice cream. They had talked too, they had talked about almost everything under the sun and Annabeth had spent so much time studying his face that she was certain she wouldn't ever forget a single detail, not as long as she lived. Even now, when she shut her eyes, she could still see the pattern the freckles on his chin made.

The day had been perfect. Almost.

The torches of the barrier came into sight just over Half-Blood Hill, flickering gentle against the midnight blue sky. Annabeth's feet slowed; she didn't want the evening to come to an end. She didn't want to say goodbye at Percy's cabin door and watch him enter Cabin Three alone. She didn't want to return to Athena's cabin and sit on her bunk, seeing the empty beds scattered between her sleeping siblings, missing pieces of the winning puzzle they had once been. She didn't want the evening to be over, not when she still had something to say.

'Percy...' She hesitated, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to formulate the words in her mind.

He stopped and looked at her. 'You okay? What is it?'

What was it? As if she knew herself.

She smiled at him and shook her head. 'Nothing.' She squeezed his hand again. 'Come on. Let's go home.'

* * *

><p>"<em>You can see it with the lights out."<em>

There were certain benefits to having a boyfriend who had a cabin all to himself. There were also certain benefits to owning a Yankee's cap that could turn you invisible. Annabeth liked to make use of both these benefits.

She was now as familiar with Percy's cabin as she was with her own. She knew which bunk he used and which one Tyson used when he came to visit. She knew which floorboard creaked when you stepped on it. She kept a toothbrush in the girls' bathroom and t-shirts in a drawer. What she was most familiar with, however, were the sheets of Percy's bunk and the feel of his body against hers.

They slept tucked into each other, the only way it was possible to fit onto the narrow bed. Percy curved himself around her protectively, one arm behind her head, supporting her neck and the other loosely lying over her waist. She backed into him, slotting herself into the space he had made for her, breathing in the scent of his body. He smelt like saltwater and sweetness (don't think she didn't know about the stash of blue candy under the bunk).

Sometimes they kissed. Annabeth liked that a lot. Sometimes they just lay there, wrapped around one another, listening to the other breathing and feeling the rise and fall of their chests. She liked that too. Sometimes they talked and sometimes they didn't. It wasn't so much what they did when they were together that mattered, Annabeth thought. All that really mattered was that they were together, the two of them, as physically close as they could possibly be, utterly comfortable in each other's presence. It was something Annabeth had once dreamed about; now, she could live it.

'_Psst_. Annabeth.'

She kept her eyes closed. Maybe he would think she was still sleeping.

'Annabeth. I know you're awake.'

She moaned. 'Percy, I'm sleeping.'

A pause. 'What's going to happen when summer's over?'

A heartbeat. 'What do you mean? Why should that change anything?'

'I don't mean with us. I just mean...in general.'

She thought for a moment. 'Well...I guess we'll go home.' She said the word without thinking, then amended herself. 'I mean, I'll go to San Fran, you'll go back to your mom and Paul in Brooklyn. School, I guess. Normal stuff.'

'Oh.' A breath. 'What about everything...else?' She knew what he meant. The part of their life that wasn't human, the part the rest of the world was blissfully oblivious to. _That_ part.

She shook her head, a hard thing to do lying down, resting on one side. 'That's not up to us.'

'We'll still come back right?' he asked her. 'We'll always come back here; you and me.' It wasn't a question, really. And she knew it.

Annabeth swallowed back a lump in her throat. ''Course we will,' she whispered. 'You and me.'

She waited, but he didn't say anything else. A minute passed, then two. Annabeth counted the seconds in her head.

She took a deep breath. 'Percy, I...'

A snore.

Annabeth closed her mouth and shut her eyes again.

* * *

><p>"<em>One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says, 'You're my best friend.'"<em>

She was in another bunk, this time on the Argo II and this time she was alone.

She liked her bunk; she liked how it was always the perfect temperature and she liked the soft grey duvet cover and the numerous books she had slotted onto the built in shelves above her bed. She liked to look out of the little porthole and watch the ocean waves lap gentle against the sides of the ship. The bunk was perfect for her, in every single way except one.

It was late at night and the only light in her room was coming from the small blue flash of Daedalus' laptop as it charged on the desk. Annabeth was trying to sleep, but all she had ended up doing was tossing and turning, flinging the duvet back and pulling it back up under her chin again. The 24 hour clock being projected onto the wall in front of her told her it was 3:02 am. She groaned, and flipped over onto her side.

The creak of her cabin door make her eyes snap back open again, just as her eyelids had finally fluttered down to sleep. A crack of light from the corridor streaked across the wooden floor of her bunk and Annabeth half rose up onto one elbow, her heart hammering against her chest and one hand reaching out of bed for her knife.

'It's okay! It's just me.'

Her body relaxed as her brain pin-pointed the voice she knew as well as her own, her arm fell back down by her side; it was just Percy.

'What is it?' she whispered, trying to keep her voice down. 'Is something wrong?'

'What? No, no, nothing's wrong.' He stood in her doorway, shifting from one foot to the other.

Annabeth pushed herself up into a sitting position. 'Percy, what is it?'

'I can't sleep.'

She breathed out in relief, then pushed back her covers and gestured to the bed. 'Come on.'

He moved across her bunk, swift and silent as a shadow, and slid onto the mattress beside her. His feet were freezing, but his hands were warm as he wrapped them around her and pulled her close.

'What if Coach Hedge comes in?' he questioned, his voice a tickling breath in her ear.

'Then we'll have a hell of a lot of explaining to do,' she replied, snuggling down into his chest. She could feel him smile at that, even if she couldn't see it, feel the muscles of his body elevate simply by being this close to her and his arms tightened around her waist.

It was a familiar sensation, a familiar situation. They had done this before, in those couple of blissful weeks after the battle in New York, before Gaia had taken him away from her and ruined everything. This was the same as it had been back in his cabin and yet it was subtly different as well; the soft rocking of the ocean beneath them was new, and strangely comforting, like being a child again and being rocked into sleep. Annabeth could already feel her eyelids drooping again.

'Annabeth?'

She twisted in his arms, so she was looking at him. 'Yeah?'

Percy was staring at her, a curious expression on his face. It was almost like realisation, but it was more than that. His eyebrows were furrowed, like he was concentrating hard on something, and his mouth was half open, teetering on the edge of forming words.

She poked him gently in the stomach. 'Yeah?' she repeated softly.

'You're my best friend,' he said, his voice barely a breath on the top of her neck. 'You know that, right?'

She ducked her head into his neck to hide the smile that was creeping onto her face and a sudden, glowing warmth spread through her, filling her bones and making her fingernails tingle.

_Finally._

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_And you knew what it was. He is in love."_

'Go to sleep, Seaweed Brain.'


End file.
